We miss you, Papa Lolo!!

It's been a month since you passed away, but I  still remember how you hold my hand when we are in the  hospital. You are one of the strongest people I know, even if I saw your tears, while the nurse was trying her best to insert the apparatus that would help you cough easily.  It was so painful to see you that way because that was the first time I saw your tears. 

My Father made his way to make the moment light when he laughs the moment he saw that you accidentally spit into my shoulder, but I know both of us felt the heavy feeling.  He would always go outside, or he can't even look at you for too long because he would cry.  All of us cried because we can't bear to see your sufferings.  I know you don't have any idea when you said to my grandma, "Ikaw, ang may kasalanan kung bakit ako nandito", and I want you to know that it is okay, for we understand that you never meant it anyway.  

I see my father on you so much. I guess, my father is your replica. He applied all your strategies or techniques that he learned from you. Just like you, he is also a family-oriented person. He and my mom did everything to let me and my brothers finished our studies. Our Titas is doing their best also, to help our cousins reach their dreams.  

I admire how you keep your family together. I want to be like you because you always find time to keep your strong relationship with God, by serving in the Church. You made your family be Christ-centered. I pray that you're now happy with God, and please watch over us especially Mama (lola). 

Thank you, for making me like I'm home, whenever we visit you. I'll miss the way you pinch my nose. Thank you for reaching out to us, as I have said before, you will always be more than enough.   You fought a great battle, it's just your time with God really came.

P.S. Please help me absorb all the things I need to learn in my personality development workshop, which I will blog soon, and please guide me to have a job that is really meant for me. 

Weekend Warrior 2016

My most favorite photo on being a weekend warrior 

Weekend Warriors 

Weekend Warriors 

My brother and I have different purpose last weekend for bringing Zippy, our dog in Mall of Asia because I come with him to let Zippy walked, or jogged  near the seaside area for his Oplan-Tunaw Taba 2016.  He invited me to join them so that he could have pictures for his Instagram account. The “Oplan-Tunaw Taba” started when zippy joined his first-ever “Dog Runner 2016”, where I also blog it here and used the “Oplan Tunaw Taba 2016” as a caption in my recent  Instagram posts.  Oplan is a jumbled word of Plano, which is used for campaigning different lifestyle or environmental activities. We became “weekend warriors” because we joined the runners, Zumba dancers, bikers, badminton players, and dogs to a fun- burning baby fats session.

Every time he meets a friend,they always spell each other's butt.

Probably, my second favorite photo on being a weekend warrior 

"Pagod na naman ako"
"Gutom at Uhaw na naman ako" 

Probably the funniest photo as a"weekend warrior"

Being a “weekend warriors” does not only mean having fun, but we also wished that my grandfather to be a warrior even though he has been confined for a week until now in the hospital. I don’t know why it’s happening, but like I said in my previous blog posts I have to trust God.  This year is full of rejection, hopelessness, and worries; however, I have also accomplished something when the year started which is College Graduation.  

Everything seems to be not an ideal for me to blog, but I want to look back and hope that those things that are happening right now will soon end. I’m looking forward to seeing on how the sun will shine again. 

Dear Christine/Rhea/Tin,

There were moments, I felt the beat of my heart, my voice shakes and I repeatedly  told myself that "These too shall pass". I don't understand what is happening in my life right now, but I like to believe that everything is part of your plans, G. I am only asking for "guidance". I don't know if I can go far , but please help me to never give up on my dreams especially to myself. 

For the past 3 months,I still got no response from a number of job applications. I failed my first ever aptitude exam. I don't have any financial contribution for my family's needs. I feel so lost. Since I am feeling this way, I revisit the letters that I kept ever since I was in grade 3 until now.  I started keeping letters because a lot of my classmates gave me cards on my 9th birthday. From 10 birthday cards, it became 65 different cards &letters. 

I read those letters hoping that I can bring back my self-confidence, hoping to remember that I did something good that made them happy, and most of all to remember that I became strong before ; therefore, I believe that I can do it again. 

Looking back, I am happy to know that someone said these positive and heartwarming messages to me. Someone believes in my capabilities,  although some of them are corny, and conyo: 

"Maswerte ako at naging blockmate kita. Naalala ko pa iyong araw na una mo akong kinausap binigyan mo akong isang compliment. Naalala ko iyon dahil iyon ang nagpaganda sa araw na iyon. Ikaw siguro ang ray of sunshine sa likod ng madilim na ulapkasi sa isang taon na nakilala kita lagi kang ganon: laging nagsasabi ng mga bagay na nagpapasaya sa ibang tao, kahit hindi mo naman alam na ginagawa mo na pala iyon. "

Nakikita kong sinusubukan mong maging malakas sa gitna ng pagsubok. Ipagpatuloy mo lang yan. Sugod ka lang ng sugod. patungo sa iyong mga pangarap at wag kang matakot na pumalya, sapagkat lahat tayo ay dadaan sa ganyan at kung magkakaroon ng pagkakataon na ikaw nga ay magkamali, don't break character. Wag kang susuko. 

Para sa akin, isa ka sa mga pinakamabait, pinakamatalino,pinaka-dedicated,pinaka-thoughtful at pinakamagandang nilalang na kilala ko.Salamat at sorry din para sa walang-sawa pakikinig at pagpasan sa problema naming lahat. Mas malakas ka kaysa sa ibang tao,pero hindi mo alam iyon. "   -K.B., 2013

" To be honest, kayo po yung first ever na higher grade student na naging close ko that's why thankful ako kasi finally meron na din akong "ate" na matatawag, and mao-open up with since Im not close with my parents. " - I.M.J.L. 

"Sana pag ganap na journalist ka na at pag-chef na rin ako.. just visit my five star restaurant and tell me na HS friends tayo at libre ka dun. Lec.. I'll  sure miss you so much! :* kc naman wala nang mangungurot at mananabunit  pagkikiligin o pag nababaliw siya." -M.B.G.F., 2011 

"First of all, Happy Birthday!!! This letter is for you, so don't let anybody read this letter because this letter symbolized, how much important you are in my heart, and how corny I am.. You know you are a very first friend that I made a letter that really comes in my heart.. Promise. Im telling you the truth.. even I argue  you everyday I'll never forget how much important you are to me."- J.E.DL.C., 2008 

" It is a tough world out there (life after college, I mean) but I know you will handle it with grace, and success."-L.L., 2016  

" I hope na maging journalist ka someday kasi yan  talaga ang pangarap/talent mo eh!"-V.Y, 2012

"Thank you for being there always. Thank you for almost being a sister to me. You made me feel what it feels like to have a sister."- T.N.E., 2012

" I am also thankful na "frank" type of person ka, kaya mong sabihin kung ano yung mga opinions mo ng true. Honestly, yan yung isang personality mo na gusto ko, and also sa pagkakaroon mo ng "motherly-like-personality"honestly medyo nahiya ako kasi ikaw yung mas bata parang ikaw rin yung mas matured tignan satin, and I'm kind of jealous of that kasi ako medyo isip bata knowing na my age gap is three years older sayo". - G.A.D.L.P., 2015  

  

Somebody found a new home.

Hachiko (a brown puppy ) x  Rhea (black puppy) 

New playmates of Zippy (our first dog) came, they are Hachiko (I don't know if I spelled his name right?) and Rhea ( yes you heard it right, my brother named it after me) . 

I find it really annoying, but then these Lhasa Apso will be added as the ones who bring joy to our family. I have to admit that ever since we have Zippy in our house, less tension was felt because everyone is so busy trying to get his attention. 

Heyyyyyy, I'm Zippy! :p

I'm about to take a bath!! ;p 

I'm not really fond of dogs, but when you have no choice because your brothers wanted them to be inside the house, at the end, you will learn to have some sense of responsibility. 

Kahit na nakakainis sila yung bumili, or gumagastos for the puppies, di nila mapaliguan or mapakain, you learn to take the responsibility. 

After all, they make you feel giddy, and they now hold a special place in your heart. 

Official Poster of Dog Runner 2016
http://www.takbo.ph/2016/02/pet-express-doggie-run-2016/

Zippy's presence have always been a must in every occasion, especially those "special"one. 

He also has his own event, #DOG RUN 2016 last March 19, at SM Mall of Asia. My brother was the one who really wanted to join this event. He loves to join Zippy in a fun run along with my brother's friends, and their dogs. 

The funny thing is, Zippy's event also made me excited because it was fun to see a lot of dogs, who are in their cute costumes while running.  It was also my first time to join in the fun run for dogs. 

First-time experiences have always been crazy. These dogs, are a man's best friend who stressed us sometimes especially when they are being so picky with their foods.  We still hope to train them better as time passes by so that they can make more people smile.  

Now Playing: I will survive

Right at this very moment, you're writing a draft for your blog. You are finding it hard to keep your promise to yourself to update your blog weekly not because you have no time, but you're running out of ideas. You are not sure if anyone took a time to read your blog because you have no specific theme. You are blogging for yourself so that you could improve your way of writing.

Two days from now, you will be officially unemployed for three months. You are still trying your very best to beat the usual "6 months of bum life" by applying through  walk-in and online in different companies. You are starting to feel hopeless, but something came as a surprise: someone called then you still said "no".

You said to yourself that you have the right to choose; therefore, you have the right to say "no". Everyone says that you should not be picky on your first job, but you just want to use the skills you believe that you have. You wish to develop something new also.  It will take a very long ride to have a spot on the industry that you want, but that does not mean you will not go there someday.

Look and take the life after school as an adventure. This is a wild adventure, where you start from zero, despite the pressure you're feeling. You cannot deny that there is a competition in the real world, but you can avoid it.  Competition is a common event, where there will be labels. Labels are created to evaluate, rather than  to define you.

Think of all the times you thought that you can't ace your thesis presentation, the time that you're trying hard to find a thesis consultant, the time that you  thought that there's no way out of your irregular student life.  Guess what? 

From writing a draft, your group made the first three chapters, and survived thesis A. You moved to thesis B with the guidance of a person, you thought you would never found, a thesis consultant. (Thanks to your cousin, who helped you.) There you go, you survived.

You will find a job soon, after the trial and error operation. You will be accepted at the entry level of your career. You prayed so hard for this new adventure of making a living out of something.

Keep on praying. Keep on going.  You will be surprised to find out that sooner or later, you have  survived your adult life.

Post Graduation Rs (Reward & Remembrance)

No alcoholic drinks for me to devour, but I still have a graduation hangover. 

I felt beyond blessed to celebrate one of my greatest  achievement with my best support system, which is my family. 

My college journey can be summarized into a famous Tagalog quote,"Sa hinaba -haba ng prusisyon, sa simbahan din pala ang tuloy" , but for me, this should be " Sa hinaba-haba ng mga challenges sa school works, at sa iba't-ibang bagay, PICC pa din ako natuloy". 

I worked hard for this achievement, even though I did not graduate with flying colors, at least I managed to stay and feel alive. 

Aside from the usual family gathering, or I think it was more appropriate to call it as " stress-eating", there are good people, who gave me gifts, but there were two gifts I really appreciate the most. I enjoyed it too. 

My mom enrolled me in a swimming lesson with 10 sessions in Bert Lozada Swimming School at Parañaque Branch. I choose swimming training as a gift, rather than material things because I want to be more productive, while I am still unemployed. 

One of my closest colleague, Trixia gave me her very own painting on canvas. I named her masterpiece as "Change of Heart". If you know the band "The1975," A Change of Heart is one of their songs in their latest album called "I like it when you sleep, yet so unaware of it”.  In "A Change of Heart", my favorite lyrics would be:

I've been so worried 'bout you lately

"You look shit and smell a bit"

You're mad thinking you could ever save me

Not looking like that

You used to have a face straight out of a magazine

Now you just look like anyone

I just had a change of heart

I feel as though I was deceived

I never found love in the city

I just sat in self-pity and cried in the car

Oh I just had a change of heart

I also used these lyrics as a caption, when I uploaded her masterpiece on my Instagram. I believed  that this is a masterpiece of moving on from heartaches, and on choosing to love herself more. She said it may not look like me, but it represents me as a  strong ,caring, and  independent  women" kahit na hindi ko daw nakikita. I had felt so much pain, but I still have time for her. (daw) 

It was so overwhelming that there are who looked at me as an independent person, after all the years of trying so hard to bring back the confidence, and the self-love I had lost, because some people made me feel weak like a child, who can't go on her own. 

College memories will always remind me that I can, and I am growing up. 

In return,  I also wrote a poem for her , where I recalled all the times she finds it hard to love herself. I did not even bother to buy a gift for her, because syempre alam kong effort ang pinagmulan ng masterpiece niya, because she really got mad skills in painting, so I played around in my interest in poetry as well. 

I think there is no need for me to interpret the poem above, for I want it to be a little reminder for her;if ever she finds it hard again to love her whole own skin and life. 

   

Irregular student life in the city of Manila, but I still fucking made it.

It was in the year of 2012 when I felt that I was very excited to enter college life because maybe I was  thrilled to be an adult. I was  wrong to think that I can handle to be in college with the same old perspectives in life. I never thought that I would lose myself in the first two semesters in college, in addition, I also lose people, who could help me, or to be with me in all the challenges that we hope to conquer with flying colors.  I realized that I embrace the freedom too tight.

I was too easily attached to people, in the end, I gave my trust quickly to them. When I was a child, people used to tell me that "Mahirap ng makahanap ng kaibigan sa college" ( Its hard to find genuine friends in college) , which I personally believed too, because not everyone would like to be friends with you.  After I had  experienced losing them, and failing in academics, I became an irregular student, where I learn to  do things on my own. I learn to be independent in doing my own work.  I like to believe that there are instances that I went out of my comfort zone.

It is not easy to be an irregular student because some people would think that you're taking your studies for granted, but sometimes some of your mentors took everything personally.  I am not really glad to be an irregular student, but I'm happy that I can still study my own choice of course or field.
There are a lot of moments that I felt that there is no way to survived my irregular student journey in the field of Journalism, but look who just graduated last April 23.

I really have no idea how to present myself, so I ended up like these (weird, and a little bit presentable)

Here's a piece of "special paper", we would always treasure forever ( with a mandatory "balik-tanaw" caption) 

                                                       

You can also view this screenshots as a whole in my Instagram Account: @christinerhea